When people think about marriage, they think about all the fun of planning the wedding and living happily ever after, but with the growing number of divorces it is important to talk about a few things before your wedding, if not before your engagement!
1.a. Communication
Ask your partner: How do your parents communicate and what can we learn from them? There may be things you'd like to try that work for your parents, or patterns you know you never want to replicate. Talk about ways you're communicating now that are working, and things you'd like to stop doing immediately. It's important to talk about how you can improve the way you disagree, negotiate, and compromise.
1.b. Handling the tough stuff
Start with this question: What were some of the worst periods in your life and how did you get through them? This will help you understand how your partner copes with tragedy and what kind of support he or she requires in a difficult situation. Next, the tough part: talk about how you'll handle major challenges, should they arise (think: emotional, physical, or financial infidelity; infertility or difficulty conceiving or life-altering health issues).
2. a. Kids & parenting
You need to discuss whether or not you want to have kids, but beyond that, what are your partner's expectations around parenting? Does your sweetheart want you to stay at home with the kids? Do both of you want to continue working full-time? If so, will your kids go to daycare, or have a nanny? Can someone in your family take care of the kids? This is also a good time to discuss whether or not you want to raise your kids in a certain religion. (You'd be surprised how many young people aren't religious but want to be imbue their kids with some kind of spirituality!) Also, it is important to talk about Disciplining your children “the art of teaching them right from wrong”. What did your parents do, what did you like and what do you want to throw out from your childhood. It is important to talk about this before you move in together if you are already have children from another relationship. Also talk about how your relationship will affect your children.
2.b. Aging parents
You might not have to think about your parents' age-related needs for a decade or more, but talking to your partner about how they hope to care for their aging parents is a good way to get familiar with each other's priorities. Does your future spouse want her parents to live in your home? Would he prefer to put them up in a care facility? Will you be responsible for those costs? Include siblings in these conversations, too.
3. Debt & finances
Long before your wedding, sit down with your partner and have a frank discussion about your financial situation. If either of you have debt—student loan or otherwise—be honest about it; hiding it will only hurt you down the road. Likewise, if you have bad credit because of a past mistake or financial tumble, tell your partner and discuss ways to improve your credit score together. This is also a good time to talk about how you'll handle your finances going forward.
4. Life priorities
Getting married means making very long-term plans with another person, so it's important to lay out your priorities early. Is a yearly week-long vacation on your list of absolute musts? Or would you rather scrimp and save for the first few years of marriage to buy a home? Discuss it with your partner and find a middle ground with which you're both comfortable. You should both be able to achieve your goals—indeed, a good marriage can be a launch pad for big ambitions—but each of you may have to shift your timeline to accommodate your partner's hopes and dreams.
5. Moving to a new city or state
Times are tough and many people find themselves forced to move to new cities or states for work or affordable housing. Talk to your sweety about his or her willingness to move someday—even if it just means moving to a new neighborhood. If your partner is adamant about remaining in place, try to uncover his or her tipping point. Perhaps your future husband is concerned that you won't make enough money to support a move out of state, but if the job pays X amount, he'd be more willing. Or maybe your future wife wants to be close to her family when you have kids, but would be willing to try out a new city until then.
