10 Ways to Make Marriage Last

Here at Country Flower we care about more than just your wedding day. We want your wedding to stay strong!

1. Be Kind & know the difference. There is a difference many people do not know between a kind and a nice person. A kind person is somebody who has a heart for helping and kindness. They help people because they want to. They have no ulterior motives & are not concerned whether or not people like them. They deal with conflicts appropriately. Kind people have healthy boundaries.

Nice people also have a heart for helping people, but often they do not have healthy boundaries. They use giving as a solution to conflict which turns them into a doormat. Some nice people use giving as a way to “make” people like them. These are unrealistic expectations which reciprocate emotional conflict.

2. Intimacy: Many marriage counselors will go over the amount of intimacy each spouse is comfortable with. If you did not have a marriage counselor, it is important to talk about how much intimacy each of you are comfortable with and find a compromise if you differ.

3. Be there for each other; physically and emotionally. *Listen when your partner is talking. This might include putting down the phone, game, or shutting off the television. It might include creating a meeting time if you both have busy lives. Find ways to spend time together. Try cooking dinner together one night a week. Sit down, plan a meal, get the ingredients and share the cooking experience. Sometimes when couples get married, they feel like roommates as they go to work and try to purchase their first home, pay for the newborn child, etc. Make at least one date (night) per week and dedicate that time fully to each other just like when you first met!

4. Be grateful.
Before you rush to judge, take a step back and remember what you have in your partner. Is he or she loyal, considerate or kind? What flaws of yours does your spouse patiently endure?

5. Be helpful. You shouldn’t be helpful just for the sake of getting what you want. But you’d be surprised at how often helping your partner out—especially when he or she is stressed—can yield the kind of response you crave most. If you feel shortchanged on affection, communication or time, try being more helpful. It’s not a magic formula guaranteed to bring results, but it can help improve your spouse’s mood, and by extension, your relationship.

6.Realistic Expectations: First, in any particular area, study up on the subject and get wise counsel on the area. The Bible says in Proverbs 20:18a, "Every purpose is established by counsel..." One of the mistakes we make in forming our expectations is that we assume them to be good just because that was the way things were. This is not good. Seek out good advice from wise men and women in forming your expectations. Find people who have healthy relationships you look up to and ask them. Don't limit yourself to your own experiences.

Use many different relationship examples in determining your expectations. Don't just use your parents or whoever it was that raised you. If your parents' marriage was a bad one, don't just try to be a polar opposite, instead study couples who have strong marriages. Use several of them as examples in your own life.

Be sure you understand the limitations of your relationships. By this, you need to recognize that others may not be as strong as you are in any particular area. This is not a failing on their part; it is merely a strength on yours. Don't judge them by the same standard.

7. Don’t over-dramatize. Some people have been raised turning mole hills into mountains. In healthy marriages, it is important to analyze your tolerance levels on each subject from 0-10. Like drugs and physical violence are 0 tolerance for me. Lying, stealing, and cheating are some big no, no’s as well. Before you rush to judge, take a step back and remember what you have in your partner. Is he or she loyal, considerate or kind? What flaws of yours does your spouse patiently endure?

8. Don’t nag or nitpick.
You may think your “constructive” criticism or helpful reminders will help mold your spouse into your idealized man or woman. More likely, it will just wear them out. You may or may not get what you want … and you are likely to something you didn’t want: resentment.

9. Don’t lose focus.
Many wedding counselors will go over your life goals with you and your spouse to make sure you have in common life goals. If they did not, or you did not have a wedding counselor, you should put this talk on a list of top things to do. We live in a hyper-saturated, hyper-stimulated world. Beauty is distorted, augmented and airbrushed. Willing sexual partners are around every dance club corner. Pornography is ubiquitous. Destructive behaviors are exaggerated (and glamorized) by “reality” shows. It seems like everyone is misbehaving and if you aren’t, you must be missing out. But the desire for meaningful relationships is at the core of the human heart. You can try to take the shortcut to this kind of happiness by responding to every enticement that comes your way. Or you can remember to focus on your real relationship, and enjoy the enduring pleasures it provides.

10. Don’t Be selfish. Selfishness can take many forms: financial, behavioral, emotional or sexual. We all fall victim to selfishness from time to time, but chronic selfishness can do lasting damage to a relationship.